The laptop lifestyle has spawned an entire movement of entrepreneurs inspiring us to create wealth and prosperity. How wonderful is it that we live in a time where this information is freely shared? However, only some of us succeed when we apply these principles. For every person who does, there are many more who do not, and they don’t know why.

My interest is in serving the latter group. A couple of months ago I felt inspired to begin a biweekly series on social media called ‘how money can be unsafe’ to share the deeper and often difficult truths that drive our relationship with money. I want to shine a light on the shadow aspects of money in the hope that I can help you to understand what’s really going on in your subconscious and deeply heal. If this is you, read on.

For too many of us money is associated with threats to survival, scarcity, fear, guilt and powerlessness. The antidote is understanding (and appreciating) why your patterns exist and learning to feel more self-compassion. Remember that inside of your physical adult is often a scared child who did the best he/she could to survive. As I like to say, your behaviours ALWAYS make sense, you just don’t know why yet.

Here are the first four in the series.


How money can be unsafe #2

The belief that having money will change us into something bad is all too common. ⁣
To become receptive to abundance, we must challenge this idea. Where does it come from?⁣
In my experience, it’s a combination of poor role models, sensationalist Hollywood characters and news, and unresolved childhood trauma/dualistic belief systems. Fear sells, and our society programs us to associate money with power, greed, and corruption from a very young age.⁣
Further, if our caregivers had negative opinions towards wealthy people, we may risk alienating their love and acceptance in favour of our own healing.⁣
Even if you are the only one doing good things with money out of 100 people, so what? You are a human being. You get to create your own unique relationship with money. Why do you have to be like everyone else? ⁣
Childhood trauma = I have to adopt my caregivers’ beliefs and needs to survive. It’s not safe to be myself.⁣
Healed adult = I have compassion for my wounded child who did what they had to do to survive. I choose to heal the past and live my truth. It is safe to allow money because I know who I am. I trust myself to do good with it.⁣ ⁣



How money can be unsafe #3

Most people think boundaries are about others. They’re really about what you’re willing to tolerate in yourself. ⁣⁣
To have wealth as a sensitive human being, often the foundational work is to develop strong boundaries. Do you know any powerful people who don’t have them?⁣
If you tend towards people-pleasing, know that this is a trauma response and it can be healed. ⁣⁣
First become very aware of why you do anything relationally. ⁣⁣
Are you giving because your heart is full and it’s coming from overflow? ⁣⁣
Or is it a draining of your energy because you’re actually trying to control another person’s reaction (and therefore get love/safety)?⁣⁣
This is a common childhood survival pattern that kept you alive, as it intended to do – how valuable! But it’s not authentic giving because it’s attached to need and expectation. ⁣
Another term for this is co-dependency, and it’s a recipe for resentment, guilt, and staying small. ⁣And self-sabotage.
Become clear in what you are willing to accept in yourself and others, learn to say no when you don’t want to give, and you will be on your way to becoming a person who can handle wealth.⁣⁣

How money can be unsafe #4

This one is tricky because there are several layers to work through.⁣

First, most of us need to learn how to be with difficult emotions like guilt, shame, fear and anger. This is a practice that takes time.⁣
If you are new to emotional healing, be gentle. There’s a perfectly good reason you haven’t been ready to feel your emotions yet. You have to build your container and condition your nervous system to hold the charge. You can start by getting curious about your patterns and allowing yourself to feel a bit a time.  ⁣
It helps to remember that emotions are energy-in-motion and they want to move. You are letting the built-up pressure out, over time.⁣
Hint: anytime you blame something outside of you, it means you have uncomfortable emotions you haven’t felt yet. Once you release them, you move from victimization to empowerment because now you have the power to choose differently.
Second, individuation. All humans go through a maturation process from childhood into adulthood. ⁣
Maturing your wounded child who inevitably absorbed family trauma into a sovereign adult means feeling all of your painful emotions, culminating in mourning what you lost or never had. Grief is the final stage because it signals to the body that the past is no longer present.⁣
You also need to cultivate the ability to deeply connect to your truth inside of you. When you live from this place, you no longer repeat your family’s history because you embody your essence.
Third, moving from scarcity to abundance thinking. The truth is there isn’t a fixed pie that gets divided up. This is an ever expanding abundant Universe. ⁣
Your true desire (not from desperation) is what manifests your dreams into reality. ⁣
If more people healed their blocks, there would be more of everything, including money.⁣
You aren’t taking away anyone else’s share, and in fact, I would argue we are each here to create what we desire. ⁣
When we focus on others – what they have or don’t have, this is a pattern that prevents us from looking at ourselves. It arose out of safety, because we haven’t been ready to allow our painful emotions yet.⁣

In Summary

The answer is always to go inward. As children we aren’t taught how to deal with difficult emotions or set boundaries. Unresolved, traumatic material gets repressed until we learn these skills as adults. It’s deep work but ultimately freeing to allow money to enable your life purpose. Once you heal the subconscious blocks that have made money unsafe, you too will be able to apply those success principles and start creating wealth.